Soap is such an easy business.
- You make a product.
- People like it.
- People buy your product for life.
- People’s children grow up with your product buy it for life.
- Use of your product grows with the population and you are rich forever, provided you don’t follow the genious example of New Coke.
Unless you are Zest. Zest decided to change the soap I have been buying and using for 10 years. No more Whitewater Zest. I went to the store to buy Whitewater Zest and they didn’t have it. The sticker on the shelf said Whitewater Zest but in its place was Linen Fresh Zest. Needless to say I was quite upset. I wrote them this stern letter:
Dear Mr. Zest,
I’ve been very angry for the past month because every time I go to the store to buy Whitewater Fresh Zest the shelf is empty and all they have is some crap called Linen Fresh. Meanwhile I’ve been rationing the little slivers of soap that I’m able to find around the house and looking for a new brand of soap, after using Whitewater for nearly 10 years.
So now I just found out after searching your site for 30 minutes that you changed the name from Whitewater Fresh to Linen Fresh. While I’m happy that the product isn’t gone, I am angry that you wouldn’t tell anybody about the name change. How hard would it be to put a little sticker on the first shipment that announces the name change so that you don’t lose your loyal customers. You are stupid. You are a jerk. You are a stupid jerk.
I’m going to try some Lever2000. I heard it was good. Maybe if I don’t like it I’ll get some Linen Fresh. Maybe.
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That was just an empty threat. I went out and bought a bunch of Linen Fresh Zest the very next day. All was well. I was clean and fresh as linen could be.
It’s funny how long soap lasts. I have no idea when this actually occurred because I had a large stockpile of Linen Fresh Zest that just ran out. I went out and picked up another truckload. I noticed that they changed the packaging. I can deal with that. I opened one and noticed that they changed the shape of the bar. Cool. Whatever. It will be flat soon enough. Then I used it.
This shit is not my Zest. They changed the formula. It stinks. The lather is all wrong. Now I’m mad. Stupid Zest.
I just found this on their website:
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FAQ – Info Did you change the formula of Zest?
Why did you change Zest?
Zest Linen Fresh, Tropical Fresh and Tangerine Mango Twist are no longer made with synthetic ingredients. They’re 100% soap and have a new “surf” shape. I hope you’ll give new Zest a try!
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So I’m writing them another stern letter:
_ _ _
What the hell? I was mad enough that you changed Whitewater to Linen Fresh without telling me. Now you’ve changed the formula! I liked it fine the way it was. That energy rush shit gives me a headache and now you’ve ruined the only soap I ever loved. Zest is dead to me. Dead.
P.S. If you have any crates of the old Linen Fresh or Whitewater around there I’d love to buy them from you.
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I know it’s a little dramatic but I don’t care. I have bunch of slivers of the old Linen Fresh left. Maybe I can reverse-engineer the formula and start making my own Zest Classic. At the very least, I’ll mash them all together into the last great bar of soap on earth. Then when that runs out I’ll just have to stop bathing.