http://www.mrsassy.com/?p=11

Today, some of the criminals have finally come to justice.

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-10274730-1.html?tag=newsEditorsPicksArea.0

Three years…I guess it is time for me to buy another new camera.

Note to homeless people who read my blog religiously:  Camp out at the Quiznos and ask for the left-over half of everyone’s LARGE sandwiches.

Note to clothing manufacturers who frequent this site:  It’s time to add another inch to your size L shirts to accomodate these soon-to-be lardos. (see I’m Not Sexy Enough For My Shirt)

Go Large!

• 1 USB port
• 2GB RAM limit
• No Wired LAN
• Slow CPU – 1.6 or 1.8 Ghz
• no optical drive

The hard drive is only an 80GB 4200-rpm PATA hard drive

This makes the machine absolutely terrible for running Windows via VMware Fusion or Parallels. You would get the same performance from a 5 year old laptop.

Even if you opted for the $1200 upgrade to a solid state drive, you would still have a slow machine.

This is a toy. This is not a business laptop.

If you need to run Windows, get a Lenovo Thinkpad X300. If you don’t need to run Windows, you aren’t doing real work and you might as well buy a toy.

This is all a crock.

The organizations that take your money only have to plant trees, not maintain them. They can put a stick in the ground and walk away. It soon dies and releases its carbon.

I have grass in my back yard, in addition to several trees. I water it occasionally. Therefore, I declare that this website is 100% Carbon Neutral. If you would like your website to be carbon neutral, send me a check for $17 and I’ll water my trees a little. For $72, I’ll pull some weeds and throw down some extra grass seed.

You’ll feel so much better. I’ll even send you a framed picture of my lawn to put on your wall.

Actually, they have been using it for several months now. It’s a great song. They use it in their TV commercials, and as I discovered recently, they also use it as their on-hold music. And if you are lucky enough to be on hold for more than 3 minutes, you will find that they loop the song continuously. You’ll also find that the telephone is a terrible way to listen to music of any kind.

Now for the good part. It’s been a long time since I listened to the album which contains this song so the lyrics are a little fuzzy to me. But every time I hear that Dell commercial on TV, I find that I get the line We’ve Got The Power Now Mother Fucker stuck in my head for hours. I wasn’t sure if the words were really part of the song or if I just made them up. It’s been bothering me for a while but they don’t run those commercials very often anymore. After listening to the song 14 consecutive times while on hold, I had to know for sure so I found the album and played the song. It’s all real.

So Dell’s theme song is about a crazy fanatical trying to take over the world. Is this their intended message?

Well, their servers are called PowerEdge / PowerVault / PowerConnect / PowerHungry / PowerStruggle / PowerSquat / PowerETC

I found this picture of Michael Dell standing in front of the world’s largest server. It is so big people can live inside of it and it contains a factory where people work around the clock creating regular sized computers. It’s called the Dell PowerHouse. At least that’s what I thought of when I saw the picture.

Now there is a problem. America is getting really freakin’ fat. Just look around you. There are more fat tubs of shit lumbering around than ever and they keep growing. And a bigger problem – we’re not allowed to make them feel bad about it. Tubby McGee is embarrassed to buy a XXXL shirt (a bed sheet with sleeves) so the clothing makers have increased the sizes. Now tubby wears a more dignified XL. Meanwhile, my L has a new feature – the shoulders and neck fit just as they always did but I could fit a fully inflated beach ball under the front of the shirt and still have room for a beer keg.

I don’t buy shirts very often. It’s been a couple years but I just went out and bought 10 shirts and didn’t even try them on – I just looked for the L. I might as well be wearing a tent. I had to take them all back while I decide what to do with my life. Should I eat more cheeseburgers so that I can be normal? Should I move to South America and give up shirts altogether?

I’m still the same size but now I’m officially an M. I feel so ashamed.

So I ordered a package and it should have come the next day because it is shipping from a city 60 miles away. The next day, I ordered a second item. I realized soon afterwards that I had put the wrong zip code. I now had 2 packages coming to me with the wrong zip code.

Package 1 – I checked the status and FedEx said “can’t find recipient”. Duh, you’re in the wrong zip code. I sent an email to tell them the correct zip code and they relayed that to redirect the package. No problem.

Package 2 – Since I knew that I had made the zip code error, I attempted to alert FedEx of this so that they wouldn’t waste time trying to deliver the package to a non-existent address. They replied that they are unable to redirect any package unless the shipper requests it. They refused to correct the address until 1 delivery attempt had been made. I told them to go ahead and take the package to Never Never Land if it makes them feel better but to go ahead and bring it to me when they were done. According to the tracking info, they sent my package 250 miles out of the way rather than simply change the zip code. That is stupid.

I received both packages and my hatred of FedEx is renewed. All is well.