When we met that day on the mouse pad, I knew that it was meant to be. You with your silver buttons and me with my black buttons – a match made in heaven. I just don’t understand how we had a Thinkpad baby. Was your father a Thinkpad?
The Mouse Family That Lives On My Desk
July 7th, 2009
Stumble Upon
Del.icio.us
Buzz
Online Camera Sales Scams
June 29th, 2009Almost 3 years ago, I wrote about this issue here:
Today, some of the criminals have finally come to justice.
http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-10274730-1.html?tag=newsEditorsPicksArea.0
Three years…I guess it is time for me to buy another new camera.
Let’s Put A Pin In It
March 31st, 2009Ever since I saw that movie, “Bolt” with the guy who keeps saying, “Let’s put a pin in it” I keep hearing other people say that. I guess all the jerks in Hollywood must be using this nifty new catch phrase. I know this game is all the rage at celebrity parties. Few people know that it is the inspiration:
Quiznos Thinks You Need to Eat More
June 17th, 2008Quiznos has a new promotion designed to make you eat more. I went in to buy my regular sandwich and found that the LARGE sandwich actually costs less. Now I have to buy more food than any human should eat in one sitting so that I can save money.
Note to homeless people who read my blog religiously: Camp out at the Quiznos and ask for the left-over half of everyone’s LARGE sandwiches.
Note to clothing manufacturers who frequent this site: It’s time to add another inch to your size L shirts to accomodate these soon-to-be lardos. (see I’m Not Sexy Enough For My Shirt)
Go Large! 
Confirmed – MacBook Air is Crap
March 9th, 2008In addition to the problems of
- 1 USB port
- 2GB RAM limit
- No Wired LAN
- Slow CPU – 1.6 or 1.8 Ghz
- no optical drive
The hard drive is only an 80GB 4200-rpm PATA hard drive
This makes the machine absolutely terrible for running Windows via VMware Fusion or Parallels. You would get the same performance from a 5 year old laptop.
Even if you opted for the $1200 upgrade to a solid state drive, you would still have a slow machine.
This is a toy. This is not a business laptop.
If you need to run Windows, get a Lenovo Thinkpad X300. If you don’t need to run Windows, you aren’t doing real work and you might as well buy a toy.
This Site is 100% Carbon Neutral
December 10th, 2007I saw a car with a bumper sticker stating that it was carbon neutral. It was not a hybrid. It was a regular pollution machine but they had purchased a bumper sticker and I presume also a pretentious framed certificate printed on recycled baby seal carcass, stating that they gave money to plant trees someplace.
This is all a crock.
The organizations that take your money only have to plant trees, not maintain them. They can put a stick in the ground and walk away. It soon dies and releases its carbon.
I have grass in my back yard, in addition to several trees. I water it occasionally. Therefore, I declare that this website is 100% Carbon Neutral. If you would like your website to be carbon neutral, send me a check for $17 and I’ll water my trees a little. For $72, I’ll pull some weeds and throw down some extra grass seed.
You’ll feel so much better. I’ll even send you a framed picture of my lawn to put on your wall.
Dell: “We’ve Got The Power Now Mother Fucker.”
December 10th, 2007This is so good I didn’t have to make it up. Dell’s new theme song is “The W.A.N.D.” by The Flaming Lips
Actually, they have been using it for several months now. It’s a great song. They use it in their TV commercials, and as I discovered recently, they also use it as their on-hold music. And if you are lucky enough to be on hold for more than 3 minutes, you will find that they loop the song continuously. You’ll also find that the telephone is a terrible way to listen to music of any kind.
Now for the good part. It’s been a long time since I listened to the album which contains this song so the lyrics are a little fuzzy to me. But every time I hear that Dell commercial on TV, I find that I get the line We’ve Got The Power Now Mother Fucker stuck in my head for hours. I wasn’t sure if the words were really part of the song or if I just made them up. It’s been bothering me for a while but they don’t run those commercials very often anymore. After listening to the song 14 consecutive times while on hold, I had to know for sure so I found the album and played the song. It’s all real.
So Dell’s theme song is about a crazy fanatical trying to take over the world. Is this their intended message?
Well, their servers are called PowerEdge / PowerVault / PowerConnect / PowerHungry / PowerStruggle / PowerSquat / PowerETC
I found this picture of Michael Dell standing in front of the world’s largest server. It is so big people can live inside of it and it contains a factory where people work around the clock creating regular sized computers. It’s called the Dell PowerHouse. At least that’s what I thought of when I saw the picture.
Bloggers Are Dumb
December 10th, 2007If you are reading this, you are probably not dumb. If you have your own blog and you link to the images on my site, you are dumb. It should be clear that all of my images are found on Google image searches and that is where you are finding them. But why not save the file to your own server rather than running all that extra traffic to my server. You’re too dumb to know what that means, I know.
I’ll just change all my images to be a picture of a big fat butt. That’ll show you.
Fat is the New Sexy – I’m Not Sexy Enough for My Shirt
August 28th, 2007Every since I’ve been old enough to buy my own shirts from Wal*Mart I have been wearing size Large. In California they call it Grande but it’s all the same. It’s the size between Medium and XL. When I’m buying a shirt, I look for the L.
Now there is a problem. America is getting really freakin’ fat. Just look around you. There are more fat tubs of shit lumbering around than ever and they keep growing. And a bigger problem – we’re not allowed to make them feel bad about it. Tubby McGee is embarrassed to buy a XXXL shirt (a bed sheet with sleeves) so the clothing makers have increased the sizes. Now tubby wears a more dignified XL. Meanwhile, my L has a new feature – the shoulders and neck fit just as they always did but I could fit a fully inflated beach ball under the front of the shirt and still have room for a beer keg.
I don’t buy shirts very often. It’s been a couple years but I just went out and bought 10 shirts and didn’t even try them on – I just looked for the L. I might as well be wearing a tent. I had to take them all back while I decide what to do with my life. Should I eat more cheeseburgers so that I can be normal? Should I move to South America and give up shirts altogether?
I’m still the same size but now I’m officially an M. I feel so ashamed.
FedEx Does It Again
August 24th, 2007I recently ordered some items from my favorite online computer junk seller ZipZoomFly. Fortunately for them, they were my favorite long before I decided to hate FedEx.
So I ordered a package and it should have come the next day because it is shipping from a city 60 miles away. The next day, I ordered a second item. I realized soon afterwards that I had put the wrong zip code. I now had 2 packages coming to me with the wrong zip code.
Package 1 – I checked the status and FedEx said “can’t find recipient”. Duh, you’re in the wrong zip code. I sent an email to tell them the correct zip code and they relayed that to redirect the package. No problem.
Package 2 – Since I knew that I had made the zip code error, I attempted to alert FedEx of this so that they wouldn’t waste time trying to deliver the package to a non-existent address. They replied that they are unable to redirect any package unless the shipper requests it. They refused to correct the address until 1 delivery attempt had been made. I told them to go ahead and take the package to Never Never Land if it makes them feel better but to go ahead and bring it to me when they were done. According to the tracking info, they sent my package 250 miles out of the way rather than simply change the zip code. That is stupid.
I received both packages and my hatred of FedEx is renewed. All is well.
